I HAVE BEEN THERE#depressed#Suicidal

Have you watched bright places on Netflix? I know I have and I ended up shedding tears so I think you should watch it cause do you know how hard it is to find me crying over a movie? Very hard but It happened because I felt like I related with the movie on a deeper level. Lemme get into it.

Should I be a spoiler and tell u what it’s about? Maybe not but I’ll give u some vague clues. It includes depression, suicide and travelling and that’s where I come in. It also includes love but I can’t tell u i relate with that particular topic alot.

I have had a real struggle with depression for a long long time. This is just something that appears out of nowhere and sometimes you just don’t know what to do about it but most times you just want to go far away from people and be alone and figure out what brought about that moment of depression. Maybe that’s why I am obsessed with the idea of travelling, of getting out…I honestly have no clue.

Depression and suicide most time go annoyingly hand in hand. Don’t worry about me being suicidal, I am totally fine. This is mostly for my brothers and sisters who have been through it, are going through it or are about to go through it. I want to tell you I have been there and so you are not alone in this. You know what, I am going to tell you a little bit about the movie bright places and some of my experiences.

You know Theodore from the movie, you should really watch it but it doesn’t matter if you don’t. He goes through moments I have been through. Maybe not as intense as his but sometimes I do get into those dark places in my mind. Where everything is blank but you still wanna cry. Where you fight hard to find something to focus on so you aren’t lost in your head. Where your room becomes small but the world becomes too big. When people you love suddenly look unreachable and violence is tangible. Where you start questioning if anyone will even miss you when you are gone and sometimes you think why don’t I end it all kesi baadaye.

I have been there. Those have been the darkest moments of my life. When my parents are in the next room and i want one of them to just hug me and tell me it’s okay but i don’t know how to explain what’s up. When i want to talk to someone but i feel like even my closest friend won’t understand what i am going through. I want to say I have been there and I know the answer isn’t to end it all like Theodore did. There’s so much to live for, to fight for. We have to laugh in the face of fear. We have to conquer our inner demons. We just have to, we have to. The are so many bright places to be seen so don’t give up on me. Fight for me. I’ll be here to cheer you on.

If you are ever depressed or feel suicidal at any point remember that I have been there but I have managed to conquer that devil of the spur of the moment and you can do it too. I understand, sometimes the sadness, the anger, insatisfaction wants to steal all logic away of why exactly you should continue fighting but trust me you should. I am still finding answers but let’s work through fighting this and not giving into this.



  1. The feeling that you can’t escape your 10,000 thoughts,that feeling of being stuck inside your head that its scary,that feeling the ice beneath your feet is cracking while everyone else skates on it,and how they do it? that feeling ,holding a glock 19 below your chin,the disconnect between who ur in ur head and who ur in flesh,the emotional turmoil,the disappointments….100thigs simultaneously…” Being stuck in a small cage made of a metal sheet beneath it and bars above and besides,small that you have to almost squat with your head and hands outside the cage and your shoulders plunged against the bars,thats placed on a beach with a tide that runs back and forth that could drown you in any second” and you get to watch it happen..

    Liked by 2 people

  2. When i feel depressed, i take a break and spend more time with my mother and I’m happy. Mom’s are the best anti-depressant available. I think everyone should try.
    If not spend 5 minutes with God and cast all your anxieties to him; i think it will work wonders.


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